Top Row: Uncle Rick (holding Tina), Aunt Sandy (holding Sean), Granny (holding me), Aunt Lynda
Bottom Row: My dad, Uncle Thom, my mom
This picture was taken of my family about 30 years ago. It is one my favorite and one of the only old pictures I have at my house. I wanted a picture of my family to accompany my post today.
20 years ago tragedy struck my family. And, as I play the past 20 years over in my mind one thing keeps hitting me...
20 Years is a long time...
That's...
2 decades
80 seasons
240 months
1,044 weeks
7,305 days
175, 316 hours
10,518,975 minutes.
In 20 years you can miss a lot of things in the world.
You can miss...
The disaster in Waco, TX
The day OJ made a run for it
The Clinton Years
The OK City Bombing
Princess Diane's death
Friends
The Internet
Email
Cell phones
Texting
Facebook
9/11
DVR
Reality Television
Wardrobe Malfunctions
Lost
Ipods, Iphones, and Ipads
The George W. Bush Years
Lilith Fair
Grunge
The Euro
Digital Cameras
DVDs
High Definition
Global Warming
GPS
Tsunamis
Hurricane Katrina
24
Atkins Diet
The Macarena
Tickle Me Elmo
Blogging
Skinny Jeans
President Obama
The CW
The Death of Michael Jackson
The War on Terror
Harry Potter (and, Oh Lynda you would love Harry Potter!)
In 20 years you can miss a lot in a family.
You can miss...
The birth of another red - headed niece
4 "ten year old" trips to Disney World
6 high school graduations
4 college graduations
A couple masters degrees
The death of a a 101 year old grandmother
The death of three wonderful Aunts
Your brother having cancer
2 weddings
The birth of 2 great nephews
The birth of 1 great niece
A family trip to Walt Disney World
20 Christmas turkeys
120 niece and nephew birthdays
15 great niece and nephew birthdays
Your mother turning 80
And, so many little things its hard to know where to start...
My Aunt Lynda died 20 years ago today. 20 years... its a long time. 20 years of life and living and all that means- and all without her here.
I know when she left this world another world greeted her. They cheered at her arrival as we wept at losing Lynda. I know she is healthy and fully restored now. I know one day I will see her and touch her and laugh with her again. I know its true and yet I have spent 20 years missing her and grieving the loss.
Grief is a terrible master, it warps your thoughts, abuses your emotions, and forces you to filter every major milestone through its nearsighted eyes. In the last 20 years I have filtered so many happy times through the grief of losing her. When I graduated from college, when I got married, when I gave birth to my daughter... these were all days of great joy, but were also intermixed was great sorrow that she couldn't be there to celebrate.
You would think that after 20 years the grief would subside, and sometimes it does. Sometimes months go by and I don't cry and I don't think about her much. But, then I unpack my Christmas ornaments to decorate my tree, or call my daughter by her full name, or read the Polar Express and it is all back and I am torn again.
I am so thankful for her influence in my life. For the love she poured out on me (and my siblings and cousins) in the absence of having her own children. I am so thankful for the special attention she gave me and how much she made me feel unique and gifted and wanted. I would never give up those treasures and I try to pass them on to other children in my life.
And, even though there are still days of grief, my hope is this: I will see her again. And, when I do there will not be any tears and the grief will seem like a distant memory. But, until then I will remember her at Christmas, when I ride "It's a Small World", when we play games as a family, and on all days of great joy.
In the next 20 years I am going to try and not begrudge growing older and the laugh lines that come with those years, because aging is a gift that is denied to my Aunt.
Much love to all those with Tangeman blood that read these words.
20 years ago tragedy struck my family. And, as I play the past 20 years over in my mind one thing keeps hitting me...
20 Years is a long time...
That's...
2 decades
80 seasons
240 months
1,044 weeks
7,305 days
175, 316 hours
10,518,975 minutes.
In 20 years you can miss a lot of things in the world.
You can miss...
The disaster in Waco, TX
The day OJ made a run for it
The Clinton Years
The OK City Bombing
Princess Diane's death
Friends
The Internet
Cell phones
Texting
9/11
DVR
Reality Television
Wardrobe Malfunctions
Lost
Ipods, Iphones, and Ipads
The George W. Bush Years
Lilith Fair
Grunge
The Euro
Digital Cameras
DVDs
High Definition
Global Warming
GPS
Tsunamis
Hurricane Katrina
24
Atkins Diet
The Macarena
Tickle Me Elmo
Blogging
Skinny Jeans
President Obama
The CW
The Death of Michael Jackson
The War on Terror
Harry Potter (and, Oh Lynda you would love Harry Potter!)
In 20 years you can miss a lot in a family.
You can miss...
The birth of another red - headed niece
4 "ten year old" trips to Disney World
6 high school graduations
4 college graduations
A couple masters degrees
The death of a a 101 year old grandmother
The death of three wonderful Aunts
Your brother having cancer
2 weddings
The birth of 2 great nephews
The birth of 1 great niece
A family trip to Walt Disney World
20 Christmas turkeys
120 niece and nephew birthdays
15 great niece and nephew birthdays
Your mother turning 80
And, so many little things its hard to know where to start...
My Aunt Lynda died 20 years ago today. 20 years... its a long time. 20 years of life and living and all that means- and all without her here.
I know when she left this world another world greeted her. They cheered at her arrival as we wept at losing Lynda. I know she is healthy and fully restored now. I know one day I will see her and touch her and laugh with her again. I know its true and yet I have spent 20 years missing her and grieving the loss.
Grief is a terrible master, it warps your thoughts, abuses your emotions, and forces you to filter every major milestone through its nearsighted eyes. In the last 20 years I have filtered so many happy times through the grief of losing her. When I graduated from college, when I got married, when I gave birth to my daughter... these were all days of great joy, but were also intermixed was great sorrow that she couldn't be there to celebrate.
You would think that after 20 years the grief would subside, and sometimes it does. Sometimes months go by and I don't cry and I don't think about her much. But, then I unpack my Christmas ornaments to decorate my tree, or call my daughter by her full name, or read the Polar Express and it is all back and I am torn again.
I am so thankful for her influence in my life. For the love she poured out on me (and my siblings and cousins) in the absence of having her own children. I am so thankful for the special attention she gave me and how much she made me feel unique and gifted and wanted. I would never give up those treasures and I try to pass them on to other children in my life.
And, even though there are still days of grief, my hope is this: I will see her again. And, when I do there will not be any tears and the grief will seem like a distant memory. But, until then I will remember her at Christmas, when I ride "It's a Small World", when we play games as a family, and on all days of great joy.
In the next 20 years I am going to try and not begrudge growing older and the laugh lines that come with those years, because aging is a gift that is denied to my Aunt.
Much love to all those with Tangeman blood that read these words.
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